


cosmic love/waiting on the weekend

by apricotaeris



Series: i can't escape the way i love you [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Hopeful/Happy Ending, Minor Angst, Pre-Relationship, Songfic, and vice versa, spencer loves JJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 21:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricotaeris/pseuds/apricotaeris
Summary: She’s not busy, so Spencer grabs lunch and settles in her office with her. They chatter at each other while they eat, up until she sets her sandwich wrapper aside and gets comfortable. “Alright, buster. Tell me what’s bothering you.”And Spencer says, “I think JJ and Will are divorced.”For a moment, she seems to short-circuit, and then… “JJ and Will are what?!”//“Will sat me down and told me that we needed to have a talk.”“Well,” Penelope says, “I did notice that you seemed to have fallen out of love with him. Maybe now, you can really fall in love with somebody.”Yeah. If only she knew.





	cosmic love/waiting on the weekend

_ A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes _ _  
_ _ I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it’s left me blind _

_ The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out _  
_ You left me in the dark _  
_ No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight _ _  
In the shadow of your heart_

/

In the fall, JJ comes to work looking happier than Spencer’s seen her in a long time. He’s happy for her, but the implication kills him, even though he always expected it. He was sure she would work out that her marriage with Will was more important than some inkling of feelings for Spencer, so why does his heart ache so badly?

There’s an awful case in Hamilton, OR in which two twelve year old girls go on a killing spree after one of the girls is raped by a teacher, and one of them is shot by the lead detective when she points a shotgun at one of his officers and shoots.

He’s never seen anything like it.

It’s not often, but sometimes, they get cases that make him question why he even tries to save people. What’s the point when even children choose murder over justice? _ Children _.

“Spence?”

Like always, she pulls him back to the present, away from dark thoughts and darker feelings. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted to have dinner with me and the boys tonight. Emily gave everyone the day off and I figured after a nap and some time to relax, it’d be nice to go out. That, and you look like you could use some time with them. They miss you, you know.”

He misses them too, although, if it’s just the four of them, where does that leave Will? Spencer supposes he could be out of town, visiting family or whatnot, and has to remind himself that JJ is happy. He shouldn’t be acting weird _ now _. If he was going to act weird, it would have made more sense last May.

“That sounds great, actually. If anybody can remind me why I bother with this job, it’s those two. Should I swing by your place, or…”

“We can pick you up, if you want.” She smiles at him when he nods, reaching forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “Go home and get some rest, okay? We’ll be there around five.”

He can’t stop himself from pulling her into a hug, but maybe it’s okay. After all, he kept telling her that everything was okay. It still is. “Thank you,” he mumbles before he lets go.

/

_ And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat _  
_ I tried to find the sound _  
_ But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness _ _  
So darkness I became_

_ The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out _   
_ You left me in the dark _   
_ No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_

/

It takes almost a month before he understands.

Sure, he’s noticed _ something _ different, but he didn’t think… he didn’t realize…

_ JJ isn’t wearing her wedding ring anymore. _

It isn’t like he’s the only one who hasn’t noticed. Half the members of the team ask about him from time to time, and JJ always answers with regular enthusiasm, but… it has Spencer thinking. If she can be this happy without being _ married _ to Will… did she ever really love him at all?

He shouldn’t allow himself those thoughts, but when he’s alone, and his mind is calm (so, not _ that _ often), he can’t really help it. JJ is his best friend, and probably his favorite person in the world (not including his mom). He thinks about her, and he’s allowed to.

So, if taking off her ring is actually due to a divorce, why hasn’t she told him? Is she afraid he’ll blame himself? Or that he’ll think badly of her? He could never. But maybe… maybe JJ doesn’t know that. How could she, when he was so careful not to give himself away after her confession?

He would never have told her, not while she was married to another man, not while she had seemed, up until that point, perfectly happy with him. But then the confession happened, the dam broke, and suddenly, she’s without her wedding ring.

But. He loves her. He’s always loved her. 

It’s not like Maeve, who had been amazingly wonderful in every way, but never quite _ real _. Even now, despite watching her die, he’s still not quite sure that she existed on this plane of existence. Guilt cuts through him as he thinks it, but he can accept that Maeve is resting now. He hopes.

No. Jennifer Jareau has always been real. She isn’t perfect, although she looks like an angel and always makes him smile. She’s smart, and kind, and so, so strong.

Maybe… maybe he should have told her that night, if only to remind her that she has no need to be afraid of him, afraid of what he’d think or say. But, no. It would have been cruel; he knew that then and he remembers it now. Telling her he loved her that night, after the killer and the confession, would have been a mistake.

Well. He can certainly tell her now. Right?

Maybe he needs some advice, first. Or answers. Facts would be good right about now.

/

_ I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map _  
_ And knew that somehow I could find my way back _  
_ Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too _ _  
So I stayed in the darkness with you_

_ The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out _   
_ You left me in the dark _   
_ No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_

/

_ “Pledge yourself to my army and you will be rewarded,” _ he hears the minute the call connects.

“Penelope, I have a few questions, but I don’t really want to talk about it over the phone. Are you busy?”

She’s not busy, so Spencer grabs lunch and settles in her office with her. They chatter at each other while they eat, up until she sets her sandwich wrapper aside and gets comfortable. “Alright, buster. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

And Spencer says, “I think JJ and Will are divorced.”

For a moment, she seems to short-circuit, and then… “JJ and Will are _ what _?!”

“Well, she’s not wearing her wedding ring anymore.”

“Okay, okay. The two of you’ve been a little off since last spring, okay? If JJ did get a divorce, why hasn’t she told anybody? And why else would she stop wearing her wedding ring?”

“Wait, we’ve really been acting weird? I thought we were acting relatively normal.”

“Well, JJ was acting weird up until September, and that’s when you _ started _ acting weird.”

She’s certainly right about that.

Suddenly, Spencer wants to tell her everything. Not just about the confession and everything following, but how he’s struggled with his feelings for JJ since forever. He doubts he has the time for all of that, though.

“Penelope, when we were held hostage by that serial killer before Dave’s wedding, he made everyone play truth or dare. You know that much. Well, JJ was the last person who played, and she was forced to confess something that even I didn’t know. And I was dumbfounded. There isn’t a lot about JJ I don’t know, and this pretty much takes the cake, and though you might know it, I won’t divulge anybody’s secrets, especially a friend’s.”

“Of course, sweetie. Go on.”

“I promised her that it changed nothing, and it really didn’t, considering everything. But she was struggling with guilt among other things afterward, and suddenly, after her summer vacation, she was in mint condition. I thought I knew why, and that’s kind of why I began to struggle. Even though I knew she would bounce back, it hit me kind of hard.”

“You were upset that JJ was happy?”

“Not at all. I was upset over what I assumed _ made _her happy. But now, I think I was wrong, and I don’t know where that leaves me. Or JJ, for that matter. We haven’t talked about her confession in months, so it would be strange to bring it up after all this time.”

Before Penelope could form a response, there was a knock on the door and JJ poked her head in. “Oh, hey, I was looking for you, Spence. Emily wants to talk to you about something. She didn’t say what.”

He rises, collecting his lunch trash.

“Boy Wonder, we’ll continue this later,” Penelope says as he walks away. He tosses her a smile, but he’s kind of hoping that she’ll interrogate JJ so that he doesn’t have to. That would be nice.

Little does he know that that’s exactly what Penelope is going to do. And the odds happen to be in his favor.

/

_ The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out _  
_ You left me in the dark _  
_ No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight _ _  
In the shadow of your heart_

[cosmic love - florence + the machine]

/

_ I’m holding out _  
_ When I pass your house _  
_ I’m waiting on the weekend _ _  
I’m waiting on the weekend_

/

“So,” JJ hedges when Spencer has left Garcia’s office. “He looked pretty intent. Is he okay? He’s been off, lately.”

Penelope nods, but she looks pensive, as well. “Can I ask you something, since you’re here?”

JJ shrugs and settles in the chair that Spencer vacated. “What is it?”

“When were you going to tell me that you went through a divorce?”

Thinking back on it, JJ should have put two and two together, but instead, she says, “You caught that, did you? Look, Pen--”

“Sunshine, you haven’t been wearing your ring since the end of August! Why didn’t you tell anybody?”

JJ didn’t tell anybody, mostly because word spreads like wildfire through their team, and she didn’t want Spencer to think that he was to blame. The fact is, she really wasn’t thinking of being with him when she and Will were filling out the paperwork. She was thinking that Will deserves to be with somebody who can love him just as much as he loves her. And that’s not JJ. “It’s not really something you brag about, Pen. Will and I just realized that our relationship wasn’t much of a, well, relationship. It was a mutual decision. We have shared custody. And he promises not to be a dick to any future boyfriends or husbands I may have. In a word, it’s almost an ideal break-up.”

“So…, who brought it up first?”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t JJ, but Will, who sat her down and told her that something needed to be done. He was so nice about it that she broke down crying for awhile. But she was so _ relieved _. She just hadn’t wanted to hurt him.

“Will sat me down and told me that we needed to have a talk.”

“Well,” Penelope says, “I did notice that you seemed to have fallen out of love with him. Maybe now, you can really fall in love with somebody.”

Yeah. If only she knew.

/

_ I contemplate the words _  
_ To make you feel safe and sound _  
_ Waiting on the weekend _ _  
I’m waiting on the weekend_

/

_ Do you think you’ll ever tell him? _

Will’s words intrude on her thoughts for the first time since they started the divorce process, and JJ wonders. Should she? Tell him again?

_ I did _ , she had said. _ I didn’t have a choice, and he didn’t say it back to me. I don’t know how he feels. _

Will had been supportive, it makes JJ wonder if he always knew how she felt about Spencer. Was it that obvious? She doesn’t think it is, but clearly, she hasn’t been the most perceptive being lately.

Maybe she should tell him again.

But, what if she does and he tells her that he doesn’t feel the same way? That would be worse than not knowing, she thinks. Knowing how much she loves him and being unable to show him because he doesn’t feel the same?

She knows the truth: she’s a coward. Spencer wasn’t a nightmare after the confession during the case, why would he be a nightmare under different circumstances? He’s not like that.

No. She should tell him.

And she will. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the next day.

/

_ Will we ever meet again? _  
_ Will you be stood waiting, wait for your train _  
_ Tomorrow, waiting on the weekend _  
_ Are you waiting on the weekend? _ _  
Waiting on the weekend_

/

They take a case in Michigan that lasts almost a week, but the body count isn’t as bad as some of the other recent cases, so JJ isn’t going to complain.

Garcia watches her like a hawk.

She doesn’t really mind, because Garcia is her friend and probably has a reason, but then again, it’s kind of odd, the timing. And nobody else has asked about her recent divorce. Strange, that. Whenever Garcia gets a hold of gossip, she happens to tell their friends. Usually, JJ is on the receiving end of the gossip, and not the subject of it, but she doesn’t think Garcia has _ told _ anyone.

It’s weird.

But, then JJ notices something else. Garcia happens to be watching somebody else, too, and that somebody happens to be Spencer. Did he tell her about last May? Or, did he tell her something else?

Maybe that isn’t it. Maybe he was the one who noticed she stopped wearing her wedding ring--it wouldn’t be much of a surprise. Spencer noticed everything, especially about the people he cared about. Especially after what they’ve been through.

Does that mean he’s upset with her? Or confused? Maybe she should have told him first.

But then, that probably would’ve been desperate--a plea for attention. JJ’s never been one to beg and she’s not going to start now, not even for Spencer. She doesn’t think he’d be into it anyway.

Unbidden, her mind starts to wander. What _ would _ he be into?

/

_ I spend four days messin’ ‘round in my head _  
_ Could she be my lover, or is this pretend? _  
_ Till then, I’m waiting on the weekend _  
_ I’m waiting on the weekend _ _  
Waiting on the weekend_

/

“Jennifer?”

Everybody else is quiet, so even though his voice is barely above a whisper, JJ hears him clearly.

“What’s up, Spence?”

Suddenly, he’s occupying the space beside her, but she’s never minded sharing her space with him, so it’s not an issue to send him a smile and set her paperwork aside. It’s then she realizes everyone else isn’t just being quiet--they’re all pretty much asleep.

She doesn’t blame them. It’s been a long week. Thank god it’s finally friday and the case is all wrapped up. Maybe she’ll be able to sleep, too.

“Do you think Will would mind watching the boys tomorrow? Or your mom?”

Confused, she shrugs. “I think Will’s off, he’d be happy to spend the day with them. Mom’s had them since Wednesday afternoon.”

Spencer smiles like she’s given him a gift. “What? Spence, _ what _?”

“I’ll pick you up at eleven,” he tells her, and something shoots through her. “Because,” he adds, “we’re going to go to lunch, and then we’re going to spend the day together. Is that okay?”

JJ cocks her head, but for some reason, she can’t stop smiling. “Of course it’s okay, Spence. What’s gotten into you?”

Instead of answering her question, he pulls a book out of his bag and hums. “Great. It’s a date.”

Wait. Date.

Oh. _ Oh. _

Well. Maybe her love life isn’t hopeless. And really, for JJ, next to spending the day with her boys, there’s nothing she’d like more than a day out with her best friend. Not when she’s pretty sure that he’s the love of her life.

Talk about twin flames.

/

_ She always looks so tired, and I don't know why _  
_ And all I wanna do is ask _  
_ But I just walk by, by _  
_ So maybe on the weekend _  
_ Maybe we could speak then _ _  
I'm waiting on the weekend now_

[waiting on the weekend- yungblud]


End file.
